In the hospital again for another round of Depression. This time it was extremely traumatic. My brain was so confused and I stood awake for three days straight- no sleep, none at all. My insulin pump was taken from me and my medications changed. Without my pump, the nurses gave me my insulin injections. It hurt like they were stabbing me with the needle and it caused my arms to bruise. My emotions were intense going from crying, to anger then laughter. It was a roller-coaster of feelings. At first I thought my family purposely put me in the hospital so that made me very angry. I thought, “I don’t need this, I am stronger than I have ever been.” But that wasn’t true, it was not my family’s issue, it was mine.
Once I had gotten through the worst days I was reminded about the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. His body was slashed and beaten leaving him bloody and bruised. No one can comprehend the magnitude of his pain. His body was weak and deprived of essentials. He was angry but accepted the punishment even though it was not deserved. Although the sacrifice was great, Jesus still continued to love all, hope for all, and believe in all. I must accept this part of having a chronic illness. I have been overpowered by my illnesses but I will not let it overtake me. God has mercy on my soul. He is healing my mind and soul and I will be set free. I can now be at rest.