So, here I am grieving once more. How much grief can one person take? Apparently quite a bit! I can never seem to get past grief. That is my life due to the fact that my body is continually beating itself up with auto-immune diseases. Each time I get a new diagnosis or a new complication from my sicknesses I have to endure more despair.
I have experienced so many losses. What more will happen to my body from all my illnesses? I now have Psoriatic Arthritis which may be causing degeneration of my spine and damage to my joints while the Fibromyalgia at times causes my muscles to ache. Will I one day become completely dependent on others to care for me? Maybe. But I cannot have fear. As I have already learned fear holds one back from living.
For now, I can still function and care for myself. So, I will continue helping others when I can instead of feeling like I should. I will continue working and writing with hopes of encouraging others. When I am frustrated or angry I will use meditation to center myself and not loose focus. I will use the spiritual energy from my parents to carry on–marching forward. And I will spread the love of God to others. As the song says, “…they will know we are Christians by our love…”