What makes me feel abused?
- When people make fun of me
- When people raise their voice or talk to me in a negative tone
- When I am ignored when speaking
- When someone lies to me
- When others say I cannot do something correctly
- When others say I am not taking care of myself
- When I am not appreciated for hard work
Why do these things ruin my self-confidence? Because I feel abused by my chronic illnesses. I learned in therapy I could be experiencing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Some emotional symptoms include: Fear, worry, sadness, irritability, feeling alone, feeling as if people are looking down on them, and inability to trust others. Cognitive affects include: trouble concentrating, negative cognitive development, and hyper-vigilance which is the feeling of constantly being “on guard”to avoid more trauma. When I am put in a negative situation, I view the negativity as a threat and I need to fight it. As the number of traumatic experiences increase since my childhood sickness, my defense mechanism strengthens and the need to protect myself is more evident.
I have always felt loved by my family and friends but criticism makes me feel unappreciated. I cannot handle taking care of myself while I feel I am being beaten down by the world. It only adds to my suffering. But just as Jesus accepted his undeserved crucifixion, I too accept I cannot change what has happened to me in the past. I look forward to living life, well I hope to live life without anguish. Though I may have suffering, my Lord will carry me through. My hope and faith in Christ gives me courage.
Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12 NIV