I feel like this last hospitalization was a Category 5 hurricane with tornadoes and mass destruction. That is the only way to describe the roller coaster of feelings I went through. In the my last few posts I explained the “Relentless Grief” I have experienced while living with chronic illness. After all this grief, what I am left with? Resilience. The many hospitalizations I have encountered are not wasted time. Each instance has taught me more about myself and made me more resilient emotionally and mentally.
I have learned to control my emotions which in turn keeps me focused. The more angry I became the longer I had to stay in the hospital. Additionally, having my emotions our of control caused my Diabetes to be out of control. Anger and stress increases the blood sugar. The rage creates more strife. It creates separation between me and my goals. Anger is a stage of grief but staying there too long impedes the progress of attaining my goal. Instead I use humor to release frustration. Meditation also helps calm the nerves. It caused me to stop and think about what I was doing giving me more focus and control of my actions. Like the saying goes, “think before you speak”. Taking command my moods has armed me with resilience.
I can now move forward in life knowing the tools I need to survive life with chronic illnesses. Maintaining my medications, nutrition and movement is necessary for my daily care. In addition, I need to maintain my mood. Keeping my mood in control gives my mind clarity. How I react emotionally will affect me physiologically as well. In order to maintain totally copacetic I need to maintain cognitive and physiological balance.
At the beginning of this year I started with two words in mind: discipline and focus. It was a stormy stay in the hospital but by trying to proceed with discipline and focus I have achieved resilience. This will aid me in whatever I will need to endure in the future. I am grateful for this blessing God has given to me.
“Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing” James 1: 2-4