HELLO! It has been long time, no write! March 2019 to be exact. I am not sure what happened during the rest of the year. Wow time flies! I guess I decided to take an unexpected hiatus from writing and never sent an update. I have returned and to refresh things, I updated the format of this blog.
Well, here we are in a new decade. Maybe this will be my year to stick to a plan the whole way through. Speaking of a plan, I had an article posted on The Mighty about my word for this new year: https://themighty.com/2020/01/one-word-instead-new-years-resolutions/. To correct a portion of the article, my word for last year was actually “mindful”. The word “intention” was my word for 2018.
I am hoping to return to a more regular posting schedule, at least once a month. We will see how the year goes as my illnesses sometimes derail my focus. Please check out The Mighty website, it is a great support for people who live with illness as well as caregivers.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! May your year be healthy and prosperous!
I know I haven’t been posting as often and I have missed posting my favorite recipes; therefore, here is a delicious recipe we tried tonight for the first time. It was very fresh and flavorful! You will definitely meet the veggie quota for the day!
Over the weekend my husband and I went to a Farmer’s Market. We bought lots of veggies: eggplant, yellow squash, zucchini, tomatoes, in addition to corn, broccoli, peppers, and cucumbers. Then we went to Costco and found spaghetti squash in the refrigerated food isle. I didn’t know what we were going to make with all these vegetables but they looked pretty.
At my WW (Weight Watchers) meeting this week I received a recipe for a Ratatouille soup. Since we eat soup a lot I didn’t want to do soup again so I got on Pinterest and found this recipe. I was able to use most of the vegetables we bought at the Farmer’s Market and, since the Ratatouille comes out almost like a sauce, I served it over the spaghetti squash. It is so amazing when it is topped with Parmesan cheese! On the side I made a spinach salad with onions, chopped tomato, cucumber, pecans and chopped hard boiled eggs to add some protein. We will definitely have this again! Let me know how you like it!
Rustic Ratatouille
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1 medium onion, diced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 medium eggplant, skin on, diced
1 medium green bell pepper, diced
1 medium red bell pepper, diced
1 medium zucchini, diced
1 yellow summer squash, diced
1 (6 ounce) can Tuttorosso® Tomato Paste
1 (28 ounce) can Tuttorosso® Crushed Tomatoes with basil
1 teaspoon dried basil
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1/4 cup chopped fresh basil
Salt and black pepper to taste
Instructions
Preheat over to 375o F. Heat a 10 inch skillet on medium heat. Add oil and when hot quickly toss in the onions and garlic; cook for 2 minutes. Add eggplant, green bell pepper, red bell pepper, zucchini and summer squash. Cook until tender, 10 to 15 minutes. Stir in tomato paste and toss to combine.
Stir in crushed tomatoes, basil, thyme, salt and black pepper.
Place in a 9 X 13 inch baking dish and bake for 30 minutes
Sprinkle with fresh basil before serving. Enjoy as a side dish or entree.
Option: This dish is great served over polenta with a little added Parmesan cheese
Ratatouille is excellent cold or reheated the next day.
Hi, I am back again! Yeah, I missed posting anything in this blog in January so sticking to a blogging schedule has already fizzled. Just after the new year, I had the Shingles virus, then I was scheduled for cataract surgery on both eyes, two weeks apart. This has caused some disruption to my blogging plans as my vision has been impaired. Anyways, here is a delayed post on my phrase for 2019.
As I stated in my last post, 2018 YEAR-END WRAP-UP WITH CHRONIC ILLNESS, I talked about joining the Weight Watchers (now called WW) group at my place of employment. I have been in the program about four months. I have lost approximately fifteen pounds and have gone down one clothing size! I am excited! The one thing that I believe has helped me the most is the WW App. I am allocated 23 points of food each day. Points are assessed by number of calories, number of carbohydrates, and amount of fat per serving. The WW App allows me to enter the food I am eating and gives me the point value for each food. This makes me more mindful about what is in the food I am eating therefore helps me make better choices and it is working! Well, maybe I need to be more mindful in all aspects of my life.
Last year my word, or phrase, for the year was LIVE WITH INTENTION. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, intention means “a determination to act a certain way” whereas mindfulnessmeans “a state of awareness“. As I shared in my post from December, my plan of intention did not go as well as expected for 2018. So maybe that’s where my issue lies? In order to be determined to act a certain way I must first be aware of what I am intending to do. Hence, my phrase for the year, “STAY MINDFUL”.
Happy New Year!, almost anyways. Here we are on December 31, 2018. I am not sure what to say about this year. There have been some good moments but not as productive as I hoped.
It started out strong with my word for the year “Intention”. Back in February I wrote a letter to my body making amends to it, A LOVE LETTER TO MY BROKEN BODY. This got me motivated to change how I care for my body and started going to Yoga classes. Then I began the 100 day project, THE 100 DAY PROJECT – BIBLE STUDY, but I was unsuccessful at completing it. Soon after that I stopped going to Yoga, wasn’t taking medicine as I should and went into a slump. I did read a couple of books, one gave me insight into my teenage years. I discovered I have had an Anxiety and Depression disorder even back then!, see my post from August, “TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN” –REVISITING MY MENTAL ILLNESS. Since then I have been trying to climb out of my slump.
In September, I joined a Weight Watchers group that’s sponsored by my employer. It has helped me to see that I wasn’t really eating how I should be eating enough though I thought I was a healthy eater. I have learned portion control and now eat more fruits and vegetables and less carbohydrates. This has significantly improved my blood sugar and my Diabetes is in good control. I have also lost about 14 pounds! I even when down one clothing size so I got to go shopping, yeah! I have rejoined the group for another three months so we will see if I can loose more and maintain it. Also I need to start going to Yoga again. Ok, so things are looking better again, meh.
Last week in the hustle and bustle of Christmas, I was forgetting things and my husband pointed out that it was because I had not been taking my meds like I should. This made me realize I can’t stop taking them. It doesn’t matter how much I think I am okay without them, I still do not function at 100%. I only function at about 75% at best. Again, we are back to the main issue of my slump. TAKE THE MEDICATION! I know, I have started taking them again and I promise to be better in 2019.
My slump has contributed me not posting on this blog as regularly as I have in the past. Today, I looked at my blog stats for this year. I noticed even during times when I did not post, people were still seeing and reading my blogs. I was unsure if people actually read my posts but my blog is looked at even when I don’t post. Even if it is only a few people, it is worth continuing this blog. I plan to post more regularly in the new year. Let’s see if I can stick to a plan!
Wishing everyone a safe, happy and prosperous New Year!
I am not real sure why I have not blogged the last few months. It started back in May, after vacation I couldn’t get back to everyday life. Since then I did get motivated to read a couple of books but I have rebounded back to into a slump. I can’t figure out why. Well I know one reason is because I am not taking my Depression medication as regular as I should be. This leads me to my continuation from my last full post, “TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN” –REVISITING MY MENTAL ILLNESS”.
In the post from August 5, 2018, I was reviewing the book, “Turtles All the Way Down” by John Green. The protagonist named Aza was a teenager living with intrusive thoughts, a mental illness. I identified with Aza’s character due to the fact that I experienced the same type of thoughts since adolescence. After talking with my therapist about the book and how it reminded me of when I was younger, she told me that I had an Anxiety Disorder with Depression. The Anxiety Disorder developed from me being ill and hospitalized during my childhood. This caused me to have repeated negative self-talk which killed my self-confidence.
Anyways, back to what I was saying, I haven’t been taking my medication regularly. Being diagnosed with Depression with Psychosis over 15 years ago, I have noticed this occurs sometimes after I have been stable for a long period of time. (I haven’t had a depressive episode for over three years). I think I just get tired of trying to be normal. But what is normal? In the book, Aza mentions her thoughts on taking medication, “I wasn’t convinced the circular white pill was doing anything when I did take it, and for another, I was not taking it quite as often as I was technically supposed to. Partly, I kept forgetting, but also there was something else I couldn’t quite identify, some way-down fear that taking a pill to become myself was wrong”. Wow! That is exactly my thoughts! Why do I have to take a pill to be myself? Is that then a fake form of myself? I mean, am I really myself when I have to take a pill to be normal?
My therapist cleared this up for me. She said, “Are you a depressed person, or is it the illness that is making you depressed? Therefore, can it be the medication that is stabilizing you so you can be yourself?” So what is the “self”?
Self is made up of one’s personality and belief system. Anxiety disorders, Depression and Psychosis distort the perception of one’s self. People who suffer from these illnesses can display disruptive behaviors which instigates others and sometimes the own individual to view that person’s self as problematical, when actually it is the illness that is causing the behavior. In that moment I realized I was reverting back to my adolescence, having thoughts about myself that were not true. It is the illness causing a disruption to my mind! Just like my multiple autoimmune disorders that affect the other organs in my body to malfunction, the Depression causes my brain to malfunction. I have discovered this in the past, but I think sub-consciously I am always thinking that taking pills to alter the mental state is not right, so I stop taking my medication regularly. This is a pattern that I have to stop in order to prevent relapses. Now that I recognize the pattern and the thoughts that are causing it, hopefully I can return to taking my medicine and remain stable. I believe being mindful about what is happening in the sub-conscience will allow me to adhere better to my pharmaceutical therapy.
Butternut squash and other vegetables mixed together with quinoa makes a delicious vegetarian, gluten-free, and vegan friendly casserole for the whole family.
115 oz canblack beans(a little more than a cup), drained and rinsed
1tablespooncumin
1lime, juiced
salt and pepper, to taste
1tomato(chopped)
1avocado(diced)
2cupscheddar cheese(non-dairy cheese if vegan)
Salsa or hot sauce(optional, for serving)
Instructions
Preheat oven to 400°F.
Roast the butternut squash with olive oil either in the oven (400°F for 15 minutes, further instructions can be found here) or on the stovetop (medium-high heat until soft, about 10-12 minutes like in this recipe).
Meanwhile, cook quinoa according to package instructions (Add the quinoa + water in a sauce pan, bring to a boil, reduce heat to low and simmer until water is mostly absorbed, about 15 minutes).
In a large casserole dish (at least 9×13), add the cooked squash and quinoa, corn and black beans. Sprinkle in cumin, lime juice, salt and pepper and mix together.
Add tomato and avocado (you may prefer to wait until after baking to add the avocado). Top with cheese.
Bake at 400°F for 10-15 minutes or until cheese is melted.
Recipe Notes
If you desire extra crunch with this casserole, add 1/2 – 1 cup bread crumbs or panko (gluten-free if necessary) before adding the cheese.
In the book “Turtles All the Way Down” by John Green, the protagonist named Aza is a teenager living with obsessive/intrusive thoughts. She has a mental illness. While Aza and her best friend pursue the mystery of a missing person, the book illustrates how Aza’s obsessive thoughts intrude on her life.
Reading this book caused me to revisit my teen years. It was like I was reading a book about myself! I realized I had similar obsessive thoughts like Aza. If I made a mistake I would ponder for days, why did I do that? Why can’t I do anything right? I am so stupid! I also feared making any decision. If I choose this way, what will happen? What happens if I made the wrong choice? What will others think of me? etc.,etc.,etc. as the downward spiral continues. This could go on for weeks sometimes. Eventually any comment anyone made to me would make me explode in anger. This created a negative response from the other person and a big commotion would ensue. This resulted in me placing more negative labels on myself. This destroyed my self-confidence and caused me to withdraw. I still functioned like a normal person though. I went to school, had friends, was involved with church. I seemed to function normal but my mind was always filled with adversity. People would ask how I was doing and I would respond “I am fine” with a smile on my face. When I was in a group of people I just stayed quiet and smiled at everyone’s comments. I was afraid of saying something stupid so I didn’t say anything at all. People assumed I was fine because I was still smiling. I was physically in the room but my mind was in a whirlwind. Somehow I conditioned myself to live a regular life even though my mind was in a frenzy.
It was suspected that my social issues were caused by the trauma I endured due to my childhood illness. I was in the hospital most of the time enduring many tests and being stuck by needles. I remember when I was very young constantly thinking “what is going to happen to me next?”. I recently discussed my response to this book with my therapist. She explained the trauma I went through as a child created anxiety and it manifested into an Anxiety Disorder with Depression. Now that I think about it I was very anxious all the time and even though I was surrounded by a group of people I felt lonely. This made total sense now! It is quite overwhelming to realize that as far back adolescence I had an Anxiety Disorder and Depression and no one knew! My parents suspected I had issues and even asked me if I wanted to go to counseling but I would reply “I am fine”. I genuinely thought I was fine. I had lived with these intrusive thoughts so long it became natural to me. This is how my mind worked and I couldn’t change it. I had no idea that medication and therapy could help me change my thought process.
In my thirties I was diagnosed with Major Depression with Psychosis and finally went to therapy. Fast-forward to middle-aged adulthood, I have spent the last several years decoding the nay-saying labels I have put on myself since adolescence. Currently my mind is clear and I live in the present moment rather than the past. Medication and therapy does work and I have been set free!
Recently I cleaned out the closet in my guest room/craft room. I discovered I had too much scrapbook paper, stamps, and blank greeting cards. I decided I needed to use these materials instead of letting them take up space so made some cards just for fun. Maybe if I make make enough of these I can sell them on-line!
Staying creative keeps me engaged in life which helps keeps away Depression. This is an activity I can do anytime. In addition to engaging my mind it also relaxes me.
Okay so I know this is a little late, but here is my 2nd Quarter Update. Since the end of May I have been in kind of a slump. It started with a nice vacation to the beach, a wonderful week off from work. When life returned to normal I couldn’t get motivated to do anything. It rained for about the next two weeks and my joints were hurting bad. I didn’t want to write, go to Yoga and I abandoned my 100 day project. I didn’t have energy for any activities which I feel I should be doing almost daily. After a few weeks I decided I needed to snap out of the slump. I picked up a book I had purchased back in December and started to read. It is called “Goliath Must Fall, Winning the Battle Against Your Giants” by Louie Gigilo.
The book discusses how we need to focus on Jesus in order to win the battle over the giants of fear, rejection, addition, anger and comfort. Comfort. Well that battle sounds familiar. Is that what I have been experiencing recently? It is much easier to just sit and watch TV every night after work that it is to be productive by writing in my blog, reading the Bible or exercising. It is understandable that during the times I have flair ups of my illnesses that I would stop certain activities to conserve energy. The problem is not being able to go back to these activities when the flair up passes. That is where I am right now. But, if I stay in this place of comfort I am not following the purpose God wants me to fulfill. By not taking care of my body, I am not allowing myself to function properly. If my body is not functioning properly, I am not motivated to write in my blog which helps others. I also am not studying God’s word to share with others or praying for others needs. In order to help others I need to care for myself first; therefore, I need to step out of comfort and be aligned with God.
An idea I came up with was to make a vision board. The board will display all the goals I have for caring for myself which in turn allows me to help others. By having a visual tool, I will be reminded constantly of the key concepts I wish to accomplish. Hopefully the motivation to actually do the activities will follow. What tools do you use to motivate yourself?
One chore that is difficult for those with chronic illnesses is cooking. Some days one is too fatigued to prepare a nutritious meal from scratch. Take advantage of good days and make some meals that can be put in the freezer.
Freezer cooking is a great way to save time on days when energy levels are low. Make a batch of these, then pull them out when you need a quick meal! Serve it with homemade guacamole and tortilla chips, delicious!
Makes: I made approximately 15 burritos using 1/2 cup of filling each Storage: 1—10″x 10″ sheet of aluminum foil to wrap each burrito, place in 1 gallon Ziploc freezer bag.
3 medium sweet potatoes, peeled and chopped into 1/2″ cubes
4 large red bell peppers, roughly chopped
2 large onions, roughly chopped
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 jalapenos, seeded and diced
2 tablespoons chili powder
2 tablespoons cumin
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
2 tablespoons olive oil
4 cans black beans, drained and rinsed
2 cups salsa (your favorite!)
1 bunch cilantro, chopped
Juice of one lime
24-30 whole wheat tortillas (we like the Truly Homemade ones from Trader Joe’s)
4 cups shredded cheddar cheese
Preheat oven to 400°. In a large bowl, combine sweet potatoes, bell peppers, onions, garlic, jalapenos, chili powder, cumin, salt, pepper and olive oil. Toss to coat. Spread onto two large baking sheets and roast in preheated oven for 30-40 minutes or until veggies are all soft and browned. Allow veggies to cool enough to handle. Transfer roasted veggies into a large bowl, add in beans, salsa, cilantro and lime juice and toss until well combined. To assemble burritos, place one tortilla on a square of aluminum foil, top with 1/2 cup-1 cup of filling, sprinkle on cheese and roll burrito closed. Wrap in foil. Place wrapped burritos in labeled gallon freezer bags.
To reheat: unwrap foil from frozen burrito. Wrap loosely in a paper towel. Microwave on high for 90 seconds to 2 minutes or until the burrito filling is hot.
I Got M.A.D. 